


The Trouble With Dreamers

by IndigoInkstains



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BoyxBoy, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Moony - Freeform, Padfoot - Freeform, Prongs - Freeform, The Marauders - Freeform, Wormtail - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 07:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5575948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoInkstains/pseuds/IndigoInkstains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the golden trio, there were the marauders. The four of them would have been the best of friends in any world- including this one. Hogwarts is just a regular boarding school, but that can't stop the four of them from getting up to every kind of trouble imaginable.<br/>James may talk big, but he is hiding crippling insecurity. Peter, having been bullied all his life, just wants to be accepted. And Sirius and Remus' secret is the same- but does them both liking boys mean they belong together?<br/>The four of them are brought together by The Game- but as their dares build off one another, the line between harmless fun and reckless behavior grows dangerously thin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

11/03/70

Sirius Orion Black is eleven years old.

He is invincible. 

No one can tell him what to do anymore. His father tried this morning (please change your shirts, Sirius, it's wrinkled, and we have guests coming over), to which he had responded, "Fuck you, I'm eleven. You can't tell me what to do."

Then he had stormed to his room and slammed the door. 

Even though it is supposed to be  _his_ birthday party, his father has invited all of his own friends. Or more specifically, his friend's children. Sirius can't stand them. They are all smarmy and rich and white, just like his own family. Sitting on the back steps, watching chubby boys in polo shirts gossip like teenage girls, he vows to himself that he will never be like them, that he will never be like his father- not only smarmy and rich and white, but also an alcoholic and a golf player. Sirius isn't sure which is worse. 

His mother, who has been passing around a tray of lemonade and cookies, announces that she is going back inside to watch  _real housewives._ As if on some unspoken cue, the boys disentangle themselves from their huddle, able to speak freely without and adult's keen watch. 

"This is lame." One of them announces, kicking the ground and pointedly not looking at Sirius. 

He scowls. It's not like he wants them here. They are invaders in his back yard, bringing their lameness with them. He doesn't care what they think of him. 

Except he does. He feels like an outsider in his worn leather jacket and faded jeans. He stands up, desperate to prove himself.

"Let's play a game." Sirius announced, his voice low and even. "Let's play dare." He keeps his eyes fixed on the boy who had spoken.

The boy scoffs. "What is this, Kindergarten?"

"You scared or something?"

The boy stiffens at that. "Fine. Dare me anything, I'll do it."

Sirius smirks. "I dare you to go steal something from my parent's liquor cabinet." The other boys  _oooh,_ and he can feel their admiration like warm sunshine on his skin. He basks in it. It's the only feeling he'll ever need. 

The boy opens his mouth to object, looks around at the group, and shuts it. "Fine." He turns towards the house, glancing over his shoulder before entering. 

 Sirius knows perfectly well that the boy won't get away with it. His older brothers have all tried it- the security system on the cabinet rivals that of the one on the garage. But he also knows that only bitches nark, and he knows that the boys know it too. He is safe. 

His mother storms out of the house, her eyes dark, and Sirius puts on his most innocent face. 

"This party is over." Her voice is sharp, almost wounded. 

Sirius smirks as his 'friends' shuffle out, a couple having the decency to look disappointed. Later, after his mother had disappeared into her bedroom and his father to his office, he sneaks a pack of cigarettes from his father's coat pocket. He sits on the roof and teaches himself to smoke. After all, he is eleven. 

Of course, Sirius doesn't know, then, about the accident. He doesn't know why his parents are so strict about drinking, or why his mother sometimes lies on the beds for days on end, or why his father drowns himself in whiskey as the clock ticks toward morning each night. 

All he knows is that he is eleven, and he has proved himself. That is all that matters.

 

~

 

03/10/71

Remus John Lupin is eleven years old.

This is a fact that scares him. Eleven year olds have to be  _independent_ , a word his mother has been using a lot lately. He has been homeschooled his whole life, and now they are sending him off to boarding school, just like that. He is not ready to go to boarding school. He is not ready to be independent. Up until now, his whole world has consisted of:

-his bedroom, which is filled with fairy lights and soft pillows and battered paperbacks. 

-his parents house, which is small but cozy, and has good tea

and on his brave days:

-the general store on the corner, which has a scary man behind the counter, but sells every kind of candy imaginable (his favourite is the chocolate, the extra-dark kind they import from switzerland)

-the café down the block, which has a very kind barista who has taught him everything there is to know about coffee

-the park, which has homeless people who are actually much nicer that regular people even though they look scary

Remus likes this. He feels safe in the world that lies within a block of his home. He is not ready to venture outside of it (he is still a little bit afraid to cross the street). And yet his parents insist that this is what's best for him, so Remus does the only thing he knows how to do- he puts on a brave face for his parents. 

Because Remus does know, then, about the accident. He knows why his father drinks and his mother weeps, and why there pictures of a boy who looks like him, but older, on the mantle place. He knows about the drunk driver who, six years ago, slammed head on into his brother' car, killing them both instantly. He knows that there is a gaping hole in his family, one only he can fill. 

His brother did not get panic attacks. His brother was not afraid to cross the street. His brother went to boarding school, and got straight A's, and was head boy.

So Remus will not tell his parents that he is afraid. Remus will put on a brave face, and get straight A's, and become head boy. Maybe then, there won't be a hole in his family. maybe then, his parents can have the son they always wanted. 

And that is all that matters. 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

09/01/71

Sirius is exploding with excitement. He cannot believe that this day is finally here- he is going to Hogwarts. All of his brothers have gone off to this mystical place, and come back older and wiser and more experienced, their pockets full of scandalous tales and pretty girl's phone numbers. _Today,_ he thinks, staring dramatically out this window, _I am no longer a boy. Today is the day that I become a man._

Right on cue, thunder booms above them, which is cool, but then the skies open up let loose a furious downpour, which is less cool. Sirius had spent an hour on his hair that morning, trying to make it look like he hadn't brushed it. 

They pull into the parking lot outside the train station and sit for a few minutes, as if hoping the rain might stop. When it becomes clear that it won't, his father, muttering under his breath, opens the door and steps out into the rain to wrestle Sirius' suitcase out of the trunk. Heaving a sigh, Sirius follows suit. 

"Oh, no." His mother says as his father opens her door. "I can't go out in that; I've just done my hair." His father slams the door again and jogs towards the interest of the train station, hauling the suitcase behind him. Sirius follows him, turning to give his mother a smile and a wave, but she isn't looking. Sirius knows that he will not see her for months, and that neither of them will write, but he ignores the twisting in his gut and turns away. He tilts his face into the rain, opening his mouth to taste it as he walks. He is already wet- no use in hurrying now. 

Inside, his father is waiting for him. "Well," he says gruffly, looking at the ground. "I guess this is it. Good luck, son." He holds out his hand and gives Sirius a firm handshake. After a moment's hesitation, he turns on his heel and leaves. 

Sirius wastes no time feeling sad about his less that enthusiastic goodbye. He is surrounded by hustle and bustle, and it feels amazing. All around him, parents are hugging their children goodbye, and people are squealing as they see their old friends, and he is a part of it. He feels with such certainty that he _belongs_ here, like he has never belonged anywhere else. He bounces on his heels, feeling a sense of overwhelming elation. 

A loud whistle sounds and he turns watching the glimmering train pull up to the station. Energy ripples through the crowd, and a few people even scream. _These people are_ way _too excited about going back to school,_ he thinks. Without thinking, he grabs his suitcase and starts shoving his way towards the door. 

Something collides with his shoulder, hard, and his suitcase crashes to the ground. "Watch it, faggot!" Someone snaps from behind him. There's a snicker. "God, he even gels his hair." Just like that, the happiness is gone. He flashes back to telling his father he might like guys, and his father's fist colliding with his nose (which is still a little crooked). Sirius blinks back tears as his scrambles to shove his shirts and underwear back into his bag. How could he have thought he would ever belong somewhere? He was an outcast- always had been, always would be. A new school wasn't about to change that.

The moment he gets on the train, he sprints towards the very back compartment and shoves his suitcase in front of the door, desperate to catch his breath in privacy. He wipes a single tear out of his eye and turns to sit, only to realize that he hasn't actually manages to get the compartment to himself. The boy in the corner is slender, delicate- almost fragile looking. He looks up the book on his lap as Sirius turns. 

"Are you alright?" The boy asks in a quiet voice. 

Sirius blushes. "Just... allergies." Black rule number one: never show weakness. 

The boy bites his lip, as if unsure whether to say what he's about to say. "I saw what happened outside."

Sirius coughs. "Oh, uh, no big deal. Just some asshole." 

"I heard, too." The boys adds. "It seemed like... It seemed like it hit close to home."

Sirius suddenly feels very exposed, and deals with this the only way he knows how- by lashing out. "Yeah? And so what if I am a faggot?" He snaps. He winces as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He had always been impulsive, but this was a whole new level. 

"It's okay, you know. It you're gay."

"Well, I'm not."

"Okay." 

The boy looks very much as if he does not believe him. 

"I'm bisexual." Sirius admits, glaring out the window. "Not that it's any of your business."

There's a silence, and then the boy says, "You never answered my question, you know."

"What?"

"I asked if you were alright."

"I'm fine."

The boy definitely doesn't believe him this time. "Want some chocolate? It's the good stuff." The boy smiles a little as he holds out a half eaten bar of fancy looking dark chocolate. "I promise it'll make you feel better."

Sirius grudgingly accepts the peace offer. He's not stupid enough to pass up free candy. 

The train suddenly lurches to life, surprising them both. The boy's book tumbles off his lap, and Sirius stoops to pick it up. "Oh, my God, I love Fitzgerald!" He exclaims before he can stop himself. _Shit._ Two secrets out in five minutes. That has got to be some kind of record.

But the boy doesn't look put off by the fact that this boy in a leather jacket and eyeliner happens to like classic literature. He just grins and takes the copy of _The Sun Also Rises_ back from him. 

"I'm Remus."

In that moment, Sirius makes the executive decision that this boy already knows way too much to be his enemy, and since they had already had an entire conversation, the only option left is to become friends, 

"I'm Sirius." He replies, offering his hand, and Remus takes it. 

 

~

 

"I like your converse." Sirius blurts. It is a bit abrupt, seeing as they were in the middle of a conversation (debate?) about dark roast vs. medium roast coffee, but he has just noticed that Remus is wearing ironic red high tops, which is he finds extremely endearing. 

Remus doesn't miss a beat. "I like your Doc Martens." He replies. 

Sirius grins. "I like your sweater."

"I like your jacket."

"I like your hair."

"I like your eyeliner."

"I like your nose."

"I like your eyes."

And deep down, even though he will never admit it, Sirius knows that he likes Remus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Remus hates crowds with a burning passion that he usually reserves for hip-hop, pumpkin spice lattes, and racists.

Remus now finds himself in the middle of a very large crowd, clinging to his mother’s skirt like a little boy. He is about to hyperventilate.

“Remus? Remus, baby, are you okay?” His mother squats, eye to eye with him. He flushes at being called a baby, even though he knows she didn’t mean it as an insult. He thinks of his brother. His brother was not a baby. Remus will not act like a baby.

“I’m fine.” He snaps, forcing himself to let go of her and stepping back. _Brave face, Remus, put on your brave face._

At this moment, the Hogwarts train bursts into the station like a herd of stampeding wild horses. He stumbles as its wake hits him, finding himself even further from his mother. He finds himself caught in the mad rush for the train, and, panicking, sprints for the furthest compartment in hopes of having a moment to collect himself alone.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

On the bright side, it is raining. Remus knows a lot about rain, and this is his favorite type: violent, torrential sheets of rain that erase everything bad and dirty and leave behind only the scent of fresh-cut grass and wet concrete. He opens the window and sticks his head out, catching raindrops on his tongue. He realizes that he has forgotten to say goodbye to his mother. His stomach clenches with guilt, and he sweeps his eyes over the crowd, but she is nowhere to be found. 

_Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen._

“Watch it, faggot!” Someone shouts. His heart skips a beat before he realizes that it is not directed at him. He watches a dark haired boy scrambling to collect his things, and he feels a pang in his heart. He has been in the same position so many times. _Never again,_ he promises himself. He has a chance at the fresh start he always wanted. He will not let them know here. No one will ever call him that again.

Suddenly, the rain isn’t cleansing him, but drowning him. He pulls away sharply, slamming the window shut and catching his breath.

_Fourteenfifteensixteenseventeen eighteen nineteen twenty, twenty one… twenty two…breath, Remus, breath._

He pulls his well loved (okay, totally trashed) copy of _The Sun Also Rises_ from the outside of his suitcase. He can always count on Fitzgerald to calm him down.

Suddenly, the door bursts open-  _be still me beating heart! I’ve had enough heart attacks for one day!_ \- but alas, it is not so, because he immediately recognizes the black haired boy from outside. He looks as if he could crush Remus under the heel of his combat boot. He is also crying.

“Are you alright?”

 

~

 

Remus wants to tell him everything, he really does. Here is this boy, completely unashamed of his sexuality, and he’s actually listening to what’s coming out of Remus’s mouth. _A friend! Remus had just made his first friends since… But he had a friend!_ He wants to tell him about his panic attacks, and the counting, and how he sometimes talks to Fitzgerald in his head, who gives him sage advice and helped him come up with comebacks he should have said. He wants to tell Sirius about how his parents had told him it was okay to be gay, so he thought that the world thought it was okay to be gay, but when he told the world he was gay, the world punched him in the face.

Okay, so Jimmy Humphrey punched him in the face, but it felt like the whole world.

And while Jimmy Humphrey was the first person to punch him in the face, he was certainly not the last. Remus wonders if, maybe, Sirius could relate to the wedgies and flushies and dumpster dives. But at the same time, Sirius looks like the kind of guy who would beat up anyone who laid a hand on him. He looks like the kind of guy who would laugh at Remus if he admitted any of it.

So even though the more he talks to Sirius, the more confident he becomes that he would not laugh, Remus keeps his mouth shut.

Plus, Sirius is kind of flirting with him, in a friendly kind of way (that's what friends do, right? Remus really wouldn’t know.), and he is afraid that he would stop if he tells him that he was feeling a little bit more than friendly around him now.

Instead, Remus explains that while dark roast does have less caffeine, it also has the richest flavor. And when Sirius tries to defend pumpkin spice lattes, he doesn’t even consider giving him the silent treatment. That is an exception he hasn’t made for anyone ever before.

 

 


End file.
